Rock music--as awesome as it is-- has never distinguished
itself for the intelligence, sensitivity or life skills of the people
involved in its creation. Fair enough; that can be part of the
appeal, I suppose. But some people in the world of rock have
gone above and beyond in quite simply being fucking assholes.
Here's five of the biggest ones:
1. Axl Rose (Guns n' Roses)Oh, Axl. So much talent, a great voice, good songwriting skills
and a compelling personality. Although that personality seems
to often be things other than just compelling. Rose is famous
for being hard to work with, storming off the stage in the
middle of a set for the smallest reasons and just basically being
completely unstable and an all-around pain in the ass. And let's
not forget the whole "Chinese Democracy" debacle. After
Guns n' Roses broke up in the mid 1990's, Axl kept promising
to put out a GnR album with the aforementioned title. It
finally came out in 2008, to underwhelming sales. GnR
guitarist Slash has described working in the band under Axl
as "a dictatorship". It's hard to tell who hates him more at
this point: his former bandmates...or Guns n' Roses fans.
I want to like the guy. But...cornrows?!? C'mon.
2. Gene Simmons (Kiss)Holy hell, do I hate this guy. Gene (real name Chaim Witz;
Jewish enough for ya?!), is the bassist/singer for legendary...
ugh..."band" Kiss. Even setting aside the fact that Kiss has
always been hugely overrated and not very innovative (other
than wearing clown make-up on stage), Gene takes the asshole
cake. He's not number 1 on this list because I don't order these
things. But believe me, he is quite likely the greediest, most
money-grubbing so-called performer in rock history. On top
of being arrogant and unlikeable, this guy will do anything for a
buck. Kiss comic books, shirts, toys, lunchboxes...even a fucking
coffin. If you get buried in a fucking Kiss coffin, you definitely
deserved to die a horrible death. To add insult to injury, this
piece of human garbage had (has? I don't watch TV) his own
reality show. Why? For God's sake, who asked for this?? Also,
a sex tape of him and some tasteless whore came out a few
years ago, proving that besides not being able to make
good music, Chaim can't fuck either.
3. Phil SpectorUndoubtedly a very talented producer, Spector is well known
for his 'Wall of Sound' production technique and has worked
with artists such as The Ronettes, The Beatles and The
Ramones. Unfortuntately, he is also: 1. Batshit insane; 2. An
asshole; 3. A convicted murderer. Spector allegedly once held
Dee Dee Ramone at gunpoint and forced him to play a bass line
again and again until he "got it right". He was also fond of
waving guns around his girlfriends, until he finally killed one
of them, Lana Clarkson, in 2003. And now he's in prison.
During his 1989 Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame induction speech,
a drunken Spector had to be literally carried off the stage
by his bodyguards in the middle of a rant. So in all fairness,
at least Gene Simmons hasn't killed anyone. Yet.
Phil Spector. Looks pretty normal to me!
4. Lars UlrichLars' biggest claim to rock-star-asshole fame is his well-
publicized battle against the file-sharing service Napster
in 2000. But, really, that's not even the main reason he's
a dick. By many, many accounts, he is arrogant, insensitive,
petty and basically looks and acts like a little bitch. It seems
to be very difficult to find ANYONE who likes him, regardless
of what they think of his musical talent. Although, he might
be easier to like if Metallica hadn't turned into a complete
and utter joke in the mid-90s. Actually, I should've
included ALL of Metallica in this entry. Have you seen
the documentary
Some Kind of Monster? Fame has
turned all of these guys into major douchebags. I mean,
they hired a
life coach. What the hell? Fuck Metallica.
5. Ted NugentYes, Ted is a great guitarist. He likes to hunt. That's okay
with me. He's a fanatical right-winger. Hey, this is America,
people can believe what they want. But he just seems to
go out of his way to rub his assholiness all over your face,
whenever possible. The list is long: worshipping guns, fucking
underage girls (his first wife, for example), wishing we had
"Nagasakied" Iraq, threatening Obama and Hillary Clinton
with bodily harm during a concert, verbally abusing anyone
who disagrees with him, badmouthing Ozzy Osbourne, killing
animals for no useful purpose, using racial slurs against
blacks and Asians...well, I could go on and on. Ted says he
never ever used drugs. I don't believe him.
Even if all this wasn't enough to make you hate him, get this:
He's co-hosted a TV show with Glenn Beck. 'Nuff said.
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